Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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