Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
