I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
