i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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