Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
