The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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