After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
