a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
