well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
only you would photoshop your dick
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
