We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
