$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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