dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
