apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
