Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
