your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
