Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
