Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
