i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Found your dick twin last night
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
