I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
