I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
