I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I touched a dick in church today
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
