it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
