I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
