I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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