how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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