I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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