i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
he just fucked me for my cheese..
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
