I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
The best revenge is premature balding
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
