I like my sex mixed with concussions.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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