I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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