Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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