i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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