come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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