Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
this is an emotional support booty call
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
