Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
