Say something about gay babies.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
