i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize