i may or may not be watching the land before time
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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