I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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