I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
