I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
