Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
