every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
