Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
