Yo dont text me then not text me
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
