You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
