Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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