You just made me feel so damn special
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
