I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
