First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
