I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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