Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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