that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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