Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
